You Probably Love A Man That Hates You, Worst Of All Is That You Both Don’t Know.
In the previous article I put in front you an opportunity to see hate in a different light. A kind of hate we are not accustomed to yet very familiar with it, we live and experience it daily without realising it may the worst of all. A kind of hate that is, by intention, supposed to be love. If anything, the topic implored you to re-think your actions and the actions of those you think and say you love but not in actual deed doing it. It is said when a person shows you their true selves, believe them the first time…
Knives Made Of Feathers
When we speak of domestic violence we instantly think angry men and bruised women’s faces. We never really think of emotional abuse, a skill sharp and seemingly designed especially for women. You only need to spend an hour at a police station ekasi and you will see women coming in with bruised faces and you will know that this is a man’s doing. If you shift your attention to listen to men you will hear their distraught voices crying with no tears for help. Suffering from violence that leaves no marks on the skin. You will hear how they struggle to explain how the mother of their child refuses to allow them to see their children. They struggle with explaining how the woman embarrasses him with her glaring philandering within the community. How women have made it unbearable for him to live in the house they share. Verbally abusive language that has replaced “I love you”. It is hate, as blunt as fists and sharp as broken glass vases.
There is no law or protracted campaign against someone making your life hell by manipulating your environment to frustrate you. Some men are driven to the bottle and risky sexual behaviour because of emotional abuse. This happens in the same breath as how some women are driven to retaliate and end up killing a man. Society will understand and forgive her for that. A man can never be forgiven for laying a hand on a woman. It is also important to consider how often men kept this loatheful behavior, so of course they deserve to be scorned as much as they need help. More s, it does more harm to him than he will ever do to the woman. His whole life he will count the days he last hit a woman in the same manner in which alcoholics and narcotics abusers count days and months since they last used. And of course, there is the rhetoric that goes “there is no reason to resort to turning violent on a woman”. A man is physically superior to a woman so it is an unfair fight. That is obvious to see. So how do we gauge that a woman is emotionally superior to a man and therefore her use of it could damage a man inside out if she wanted to? A woman only has to tell one lie about a man and that man’s world could come crumbling down from a highflying career to nothing. She can distort a relationship between father and child for 30 odd years without a spec of conscience.
The “black man is useless” band wagon is always rolling downhill mowing down every man of good standing along the way. The voice of men has been strangled; either as a result of sins committed through patriarchy for millennia or by the voice women gradually rising. Whatever the case is, there is too much hate happening in relationships. Don’t stay! You will probably feel that the only thing more unthinkable than leaving is staying; the only thing more impossible than staying is leaving. You will come to this crossroad, and leaving is your best option. Even if you may one day come back, but leaving teaches your abuser that you can exist without them. They will learn that they do not own you.
When you see such behavior do not stay for better days, chances are they will never come. Anyone who stays in a physically or psychologically abusive relationship actually hates themselves. The excuses you make are a direct translation of loving the other party more than you love yourself . The pain you will experience leaving someone you love and hating you will never be as painful as seeing the day they are “finished” with you. You will be finished; you will not have anything left for yourself. Effectively, that is the day you cease to exist. And you. You will be constantly replaying scenes of all the acts that were done to you. You may love your partner but not more than self.
Writer: Banele Rewo