Why Women Love To Hate Men and Why Men Don’t Care

Why women love to hate men (and why men don’t care)

Sigh. I’m going to get into a lot of trouble for this. I know some women already have their left hooks ready and feminists are flexing their muscles. However, I’ll start by saying all this is my opinion and I always stand to be corrected and ladies, we love you 😉

Greetings fam.  I think it was round about Father’s Day when the thought first came to me. Amongst all the well wishes and wall posts, there were these constant “but mothers have a harder job” comments. I have no doubt that some of these were based on merit or experience. But I realized that if it were ever decided that there should be a national Men’s Day, some women folk would be up in arm. I have also observed how, on social networks, there are more instances of women complaining about men than those that don’t. My assumption is that if a woman said “Men are great”, she wouldn’t get as much response as if she were to say, oh something like “men are dogs”. This is when I arrived at this question. Why do women hate men so much? I did some reading and looked back at some personal experiences and, let’s kick it for a bit, ride with me.

From what I can gather, the reason why some women have beef with the freakin’ entire male species, actually goes beyond “coz they don’t treat women right”. Women are actually being betrayed by millennia of evolution and centuries of societal conditioning. Let me throw some e.g.’s your way. I think it would be safe to assume that most women who see themselves getting married, or in a lasting, committed relationship, imagine doing to so someone who is a “good provider”. Sounds about right, no? You see, the desire to have someone (a man) to rely on is more instinctive than cognitive. Throughout the history of mankind, men went out to find provision for the family while women took care of home. So throughout time evolution said that women, due to physical reasons, had to rely on men to provide.

In modern terms, with more women earning incomes and progressing in careers, you would think this desire for a man to “provide” would subside. Well, it’s a yes and no. The need for material provision has dimmed, somewhat. But women still rely on men to “provide” other, intangible, things. Emotional provision. Now hold on, it’s about to get sticky.

Ladies, you woke up today and you decided that today you are just going rock it. From your Vicky’s to your Jimmy’s to your Jenni’s. Maybe your girls saw you and complimented you. You accept the compliments, its nice. But then you come across and guy, a TOTAL (handsome) stranger, he comes up to you and says “wow, lady you look incredible”. You will instantly rock that Molar Smile. That smile that goes waaay past the molars (that’s your back teeth, btw). A compliment from a man about a woman’s looks means more to a woman than one from another woman. It makes her feel desirable, wanted.

You know that term “daddy issues”? Do you know why it’s normally used in reference to a woman? It’s because no person can wrong a woman like a man can wrong a woman. And I don’t just mean physical harm. I mean psychological and emotional torment.

Women love to hate men because of the power women THINK men have over them. Drops the mic.

Picks up the mic. Sister, it’s your birthday. Everyone is calling you. Presents by the truckload. But, you are waiting for that one call. That one specific message. If that call does not come, well…yah neh. Many women stay in abusive relationships because their mechanism of self-evaluation is so reliant on the man that she doesn’t see herself functioning without him. And she hates this. She hates that his smile and his touch can brighten the darkest of her days. She hates the fact that a slightly disapproving glance from him can make her feel so crap. She hates this because her mood depends on his. Who is more forgiving when it comes to cheating? Choir? Yes, woman. Why? Because woman have a stronger fear of being abandoned than men do. Women fear being alone more than men do.

Yes, men have similar needs too. But there are fundamental differences. If Jacob woke up perspiring swaggoo and rocked his Sunday best and his boy, Thabo, told him, “my guy you look like a dickhead”. Jacob’s response is most likely to be “F’TSEK, screw you, I’m amazing”. Women need constant affirmation. There are multi-billion dollar industries based on getting women to feel good about themselves. Fashion, cosmetics, the Kardashians. Jokes. Based on the same evolutionary and societal principle, men are groomed to be the opposite. Most of the things that women place so much of their “value” in, men couldn’t be bothered. So when men read about all these “men are dogs” comments, very few are bothered in the slightest. Why not? Because men are raised to believe that women need them. We are raised as providers. It’s a system that will take centuries to take apart. Perhaps what is saddest of all is that, in spite of themselves, women do love. It’s their nature. So with all this complaining about men, most have the same response to it. The IsiZulu language puts it like this: Hamba. Uzobuya. Go. You’ll come back, eventually.

Writer: Vus Ngxande     Photographer: Adrian McDonald