The Anatomy Of Mepako/Umpako (Ass)

“What is guys’ fascination with mepako? I mean really now!”, a female friend laments after I make a comment about the ample chick who just walked past. I laugh because, to me, the fascination is obvious. Or is it?

After a recent article about Noni Zondi sparked a few contentious comments about what is the perceived “appeal” the alleged rapper has to her male audience. I got to thinking and I felt maybe it’s time we analyzed, exactly, what is mepako/umpako and why does it make guys go owl with hoots, big eyes and 360-degree head turns.


The term mepako is a derivative of a Setswana word which, directly translated, means “to pack”. Umpako is merely the IsiZulu version of the same concept. The actual use of the phrase can be likened to the Black American concept of a “thick” woman, but the question is, what does it mean when a woman has mepako or is said to be thick?

It’s been long understood that society’s view of the ideal female form differs when it comes to black and white women. While white women are expected to diet or purge their way onto magazine covers, black society is more liberal when it comes to the black female figure. Traditionally, a full figure has been viewed as a sign of prosperity and a good life. With the Westernization of everything, modern culture has tweaked this slightly. The modern concept of mepako is actually a fusion of Western and African ideals.

So what is the modern interpretation of a woman who has mepako? Let’s start with the aforementioned Noni Zondi. From the gate, it’s obvious, this girl is THERE. KotnCandy says this chick ke s’dudla/she’s fat. This then begs the question: what’s the difference between being fat and to have mepako.

Noni Zondi

Well, there are a few points there. Firstly, to be “fat” implies the entire body is…umm…well…sizable. Whereas to have mepako means sister girl’s body has a cellulite strategy. The fat is tactically distributed. Secondly, the core of mepako is generally situated around the thighs. However, it is not enough just to have big thighs.  What elevates big thighs from the marsh-pits of infomercial into the upper-echelon of King Magazine covers is the all-important iddy-biddy waist. The bigger the contrast between the size of the waist and thighs, the quicker the call back from the rap video auditions.

What is important to point out, ladies, in your journey to mepako-dom is that cellulite (in ideal amounts) is your friend. Why? See below. Word is firm, not hard.

If the thigh-waist debate is settled, then a nice set of mammary glands can be the proverbial cherries on top…but that’s optional. I have to point out though, that, like many other things, there is no ideal shape or size. All men have different tastes. Men? Yes, MEN. The world of mepako has to do WITH women, but it’s not ABOUT them. It’s a Y chromosome thing, however, it is not necessarily sexual. Unless no one is looking. Also, any man will struggle to give an outright answer as to why he would prefer a woman with mepako. So, ladies, we are not as hard on your body weight as you think we are. Hard being the operative word. *Hides