The title sounds like a dope Kwaito album from one of the greats, but that couldn’t be further from the premise of this write-up. See, what I am alluding to by Uthando Lwe Mali is the societal plague that constantly robs the young black man of his earning potential, particularly emakasana. As amajita we are dealt the short end of the stick when it comes to relationships. Initially, everything seems set in stone and one can almost imagine himself spending the rest of his life with a damsel in distress; until he hits a financial snag that unravels his significant other’s true colours. Before I lose you on the basis of this piece, let me recount a personal account of a situation-ship I once found myself in.
THE TAXI TO HEAVEN
I met *Bonolo just when my life was starting to take shape and I had a crystal clear vision of where my life was headed. I was taking care of my family, independent, saving money, acquired a few tangible material trinkets and investing in my personal development. As a young man in his mid 20s life was bliss; I mean, I was the only black senior digital marketing executive at a blue-chip agency…an unfathomable feat for intwana yase Soweto. It was December and a friend of mine suggested I re-enter the dating scene after experiencing a heart-wrenching breakup. I had worked tirelessly at playing the guarded bachelor who was all about channelling his heartache on things that matter, financial freedom, ownership of his talent and inspiring his hood brothers. Reluctantly, I agreed to be part of the relationship conglomerate again and that is when things started spiralling out of control. *Bonolo was every man’s dream, beautiful, independent and all things “perfect”. We hit the ground running, went on expensive dates, spent ample time together, you know; generic couple stuff. From this point on, I was so high on the ‘love’ drug that everything else seemed secondary. I hardly did what I had set out to achieve, neglected my business endeavours for these copious amounts of ‘romantic opioids’. Nothing else mattered, except pleasuring *Bonolo in every sense of the word.
THE DESTINATION IS HELL
Fast forward a couple of years later, the inevitable happened. I lost my job, savings started drying up and I could hardly keep up with my financial obligations. Needless to say that I lost everything and the one person I counted on to be there started pulling away from me. I was in a detrimental state, I felt betrayed…phela this was the person I had modelled my existence around, and now all of a sudden, her innermost self was showing out in the worst manner possible; which was hard to digest. *Bonolo straight up told me that she didn’t believe that our relationship was going to survive without me earning an income. Soon thereafter, she left me, down, uninspired, lost and with my back against the wall. I got evicted, lost everything and nothing made life worth living. Dark times prevailed. One day, after I had a long introspective reality check with myself. I realised that I had reduced my sense of pride, self-sufficiency and manhood to paying for monthly instalments of being in a one-sided relationship. I abetted *Bonolo in betraying everything I stood for. All of my goals and ambitions have subsided for momentary pleasures that yielded nothing but scattered pieces of rebuilding and reclaiming my once sought after fiscal emancipation journey. This experience taught me a lot about myself and what really happens when you lose your discipline; whatever lies you tell yourself whilst drowning in that situation, eventually comes back to haunt you if you don’t accept that you were solely responsible for that mess.
FREE TRIP BACK TO EARTH
Gents do not…I repeat…DO NOT allow your dreams to fall second to no one, especially a woman. Bade lami, always make sure ukuthi you put yourself first and when it’s crunch time, pick your tools up and go to work. In closing I’d like to leave you with 3 quotes:
“However long they choose to love you, (that) will never be your decision…” – Drake
“You lose money chasing women, but you never lose women chasing money…” – Nas
“Don’t ever let yourself get attached to anything (or anyone) that you are not willing to walk away from in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner…” – Robert DeNiro ( taken from the movie ‘Heat’).
Bro Wami, never be a sucker for love, especially the kind that is financial taxing more than anything. Channel all that energy in investing in yourself, trust me, it’ll pay off in hefty dividends… but only if you sacrifice the momentary pleasures. Danko!
*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the lady in question.
Writer: Tebogo Kawawa Photographer: Adrian MacDonald