It has been a while since I engaged with other people on this topic. A life hack that I can share with any guy who is about to become a father is this: From the day your child is born, figure out what your child (and partner, if that’s the case) need at the moment and do that, to the very best of your ability, do that. After that, do whatever the next moment needs. Then the moment after that, and so on. Day by day. Week by week. Most parenting/fatherhood is about responding to what your child (and partner) need. Not the “big plan” that you go in with.
See those people? Those are your people. That’s your own little world. Your biggest priority is protecting that little world with everything in you. Block everyone out who has self-serving intentions. Block all of them out. It doesn’t matter who they are to you. Very, VERY few people deserve access to that world. The world is stacked up against black fathers, black women, black couples, black parents. PROTECT THEM! One of the speakers on the session spoke about how it was his stubbornness that helped him to figure out his journey as a father. Mncwiii, I had no idea how stubborn I am until I became a father.
“uVus akafuni nex ngomtwanakhe” became a general phrase. Admittedly, it does have its drawbacks. Bottom line is that being a father is not rocket science, you are more than capable of learning everything you need. It boils down to commitment and effort. Every single day. If you try to look at the whole thing, your entire life as a father all at once, it will freak you out. Also, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to prevent yourself from making mistakes. It will happen, some worse than others. Admit that. Do better next time. Other than, pray. Pray over your fatherhood. Pray over your kids. Pray over your partner. Pray every day. Surrender every day. God is in control.