In most cases, we fail by being failed by friends, family or lovers because we do not specify. Specifying demands first from you, to think of the problem and then find a solution. This enables us to be precise on what we want, will or can ask for as a solution. The other partner will know what action or non-action transgresses us and be clear what is expected. From that, we will know when we are hurt who is hurting us, them or us. If they repeat, it’s them. If they repeat and we stay, we are hurting ourselves. Being specific solves the problem today and tomorrow. Precision takes out rubbish before it becomes a toxic argument about everything previously insufficiently addressed. That’s why most people fight bitter fights, they confront problems when they have compounded to include everything, and everything is too much for everyone. Don’t sweep little monsters under the carpet, they grow, grow big enough to eat you.

Also, you cannot expect quality help or engagement from social media when you know very well that 90% of the friend requests you sent is because the profile showed a guy in a blue suit next to an ultra-luxury car that’s obviously not his, or a face beat or big ass. The real key to emotional survival is the quality of the relationship you nurture in real life. Real life friends can give you real help. Start there. If you have none. Then, the problem may be just that.

These days people don’t help. You can put up a status declaring how suicidal you are and their method of help is uploading motivational quotes on their stories. You could declare you are broke and no food to eat and they’ll upload a photo of Jesus breaking bread. When you need to be held they won’t move everything to come see you, they send a text ”???”

Writer: Banele Rewo