Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? / Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? / Don’t cha?

“Dont Cha” by the pop girl band, Pussycat Dolls seems an applicable soundtrack for this post. We’ve all asked ourselves at some point “What does he/she have that I don’t?” This could have happened after someone else got the promotion you felt you deserved or it could have happened when you lost your significant other to someone else. Either way the question raises issues of self esteem, and self realisation.

Notice that although the question is outward, the answer lies within. Its more about you than the other person. That seems an obvious assessment but lets play out a common scenario: Mbali comes back to her apartment early one morning to find her live-in boyfriend making passionate love to the girl who lives across the hall. Its a confusing discovery for Mbali because she never, not for one second, felt that the girl (whatever her name is) was a threat. This girl is not as slim, not as cool not as…. Thing is that may be the very reason she was just the perfect target for him. She may make that extra time for him, may not be as worried about her weight as you are and all these things that you are not willing to.

But what if it was the other way? What if this girl was a celebrity singer or actress. Would it make any real difference? If you were Mbali, would you feel better about it or would it be more understandable to you? If it does, what does that say about your VALUES? What do you think your friends would say? Would it be like “girl, you got a real man, even these celebrities are after him?”

The reality is we all rate ourselves a certain way. And that rating takes into consideration more external factors than it should. You rate how pretty or handsome you are on someone else’s perception of that whether it be TV, radio, magazines, your family, friends or other people you’ve known in your life, especially your young life.  This is natural because external intel is how we learn and understand the world but its not conducive to either your self  esteem or you being your best.  And thats the point of this post. Its not what he/she has that you don’t that matters, its what you have that they don’t which is important! Once you realise that then you become a better you. If that still doesn’t make sense then the problem might really just be with you 😉

Writer: Katlego Modipane