Decoding Women: How To Be A Romantic Guy

Women, we luuuuuurve romance.

I am sure you know this because we reward romantic gestures with great generosity, nudge nudge wink wink.


Remember people never want a thing, even if they say they do, what people ever want is a particular feeling. We pursue things because we think they will evoke the feeling we want, but anything or anyone that manages to evoke the desired feeling wins. For example, I may insist that I want a tall man. Let’s say I want a tall man because I believe that a tall man will make me feel safe (feeling safe is a biggie for women, btw), however I will be much happier with a short man who makes me feel safe, than a tall man who doesn’t. It is always the feeling that matters.


Women crave romantic gestures because they make us feel special, and if we feel special we feel safe. That safety thing again. People protect the things they cherish. Think about the things you have insured and secured. Now I need you to follow this;  if it does not make me feel special, it is not romantic. No matter how much it cost you, how long it took to put together, how much someone else would want it.

Let me illustrate with two floral tales from my past.

Guy 1 – Red Roses

I love fresh flowers. You just need to walk in to my home to gather this. After a few weeks of dating Guy 1 he bought me a bouquet of 2 dozen red roses.

Not cheap.

I don’t particularly care for roses, I especially don’t like red roses. I appreciated them none the less, it’s the thought that counts, and all that. So I was pleased.

A month later he shows up on my doorstep with 24 red roses, and again the following month. As soon as I figured out the pattern, that this guy buys me two dozen red roses every pay day I decided to intervene.

Like I said, I don’t like red roses.

I invited him to come to the flower market with me. I did a show and tell, complete with “oohs” and “aahs” when I came across flowers I love. I made sure to buy armfuls of my preferred blossoms. Despite the tutorial he continued to bring the red roses, every month on payday like clockwork.

Did it get my panties wet or my heart aflutter?


In fact it irritated me.

Instead of saying “you are special” it said “I am not paying attention, I don’t know you, I am dumb and boring”

Guy 2 – Panty dropping bouquet

Guy 2 and I had been dating for a while. After I eventually dumped the rose guy, in fact. I liked him, but I was not that in to him, that is, until he gave me an arrangement of white St. Josephs and orange Tulips. You don’t have to know what types of flowers these are. The part you need to comprehend is the following:

  1. At the time I was completely into St. Josephs and had them all over my house. He had noticed. Score!
  2. Tulips, orange ones to be precise, were my favourite flowers. It turns out that in the past, long before we hooked up I once mentioned this in conversation. He had noted and remembered. Double Score!
  3. Tulips only flower in winter. He had to go to considerable trouble to get them in late Spring. Triple Score!\

Writer: Kagiso Msimango