The One That Got Away

Or did they? Surely, as the overused adage goes, if it’s meant to be then it will be? The whole what is meant for you will never pass you by… or does it? Does the love you thought to be a great one really decide to exclude you or is it the whole humans humaning? It makes all the sense to me that I would not voluntarily let a good thing go… or would I?

Well, growing up and realising that the world is not black and white is one hell of a wakeup call, it’s akin to having an ice cold beverage thrown in your face. The world doesn’t work in quite the same manner as the fairy tales and romantic comedies that we mass consume when we are younger. Partnering up with the (relatively) “right” one can be quite a hit or miss for many people – myself included.

In an ideal world, I would have met someone in my early twenties and we would have fallen deeply and madly in love with each other and we would have spent the rest of our twenties building ourselves, travelling, experiencing multiple “firsts” together; including children, car, house and, if it were to our fancy, our first wedding. However, life doesn’t work out that well for many…I know for sure I was not that fortunate. I and millions of people the world over, are still navigating the dating scene and trying to find a suitable partner.

We go on dates and meet fantastic people along the way, but with each interaction we find our minds yearning for that one person, that one that simply ticked all your boxes, the one who simply understood everything about us and made navigating life all that much easier. The one who gave you fire strokes and knew every single crevice of your body, that one that knew exactly where to touch, squeeze or nibble at just the right time. The one you were unafraid to share your grandest dreams with or deepest fears… that one. I am talking about the individual whose mere presence in a room incites a physical reaction…but that one didn’t make it past a point in your life. Your paths separated yet thoughts of them lingered…

I wonder, though, would I have chosen that individual if I was making a decision in this current world? Knowing what I know, can I still say they got away if I am unlikely to choose them to try this life business with in 2018? Well yes and no, I reckon present day me would be more cautious because I have learnt how disappointing the dating scene has turned out, yet in the same breath attraction transcends age and time and damnit, said individual still makes my stomach flutter when he smiles.

Perhaps in a simpler world, where not too much changes when people go their separate ways, we can be with the exact individuals our hearts and bodies desire. Reality though, is that being with someone goes far beyond just a yearning, it goes beyond being excited at the thought of them or getting goose bumps of pleasure when they touch you. It’s what remains after that excitement is gone, when you strip yourself of all fantasy and the reality of being with someone remains…could you be with that person? Would you choose them again and again on your worst day after your worst fight? If you can, then that “one” didn’t get away, they were meant to stay in your past – you collected your lesson and now you can fully be with the one you are with.

Writer: Palesa Motau     Photo by Timothy Kolczak on Unsplash


  • Nina
    20th Sep 2018

    Lovely article as always @TheLooz. A tricky one,some people are fortunate to have met and settled with their first loves the rest of us we have to make do with where we find ourselves. I used to wonder a lot about this but as time went on,I realized ‘love’ in your 20s is totally different than ‘love’ in your 30 and probably beyond that. Also you are a different and more grown person.

    So I don’t dwell too much on lost loves but open to new people and if it’s meant to be it will be…

  • TheLooz
    20th Sep 2018

    I know right?
    I am enjoying my level of reality and understanding in my 30’s. Although things had to happen, I still wish I could undo some past loves lol

  • Keabetswe Chirwa
    20th Sep 2018

    I truly enjoy your articles. I truly do. So we’ll rounded. So simple yet classy. And realistic.

  • Marvin
    21st Sep 2018

    Excellent and insightful piece, well written and captivating, very nicely done.

    Best regards

  • George Gladwin Matsheke
    25th Sep 2018

    Everything takes time and there is purpose in it as well, I have more respect for commitment right now than I have for love — because I don’t always love my partner but I am always committed to her. Also the older you get you get to understand yourself better than you did in your 20’s. Another thing is that people or rather ex’s wanna come back because they have realized that what you gave them they didn’t find anywhere else after you. Being self aware is important

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