***

There is a universe where you exist better

You have loving parents

You are not neglected

Your mother does not call you a demon

Your father does not leave

You are not in pain

 

It’s not that I am still in love with you

I don’t know if I ever really was

Did I love you?

I am too busy breaking to properly pause

I don’t know

I might break sharper if I know

It’s not that I am still in love with you

It’s that when I met you I thought that I had found it

The thing that everyone wants and chases and talks about

The thing that I had always been certain that I would never be the one to have or to be or to be in

 

I thought that you were…it

And that we could be…it

But I was wrong

You are not it

And we could never be it

And it’s not easy for me to be wrong. I do not like it.

So, no, it is not that I love you, it’s that I wasn’t…right

And I have held on because I didn’t want to not be right.

Writer: Nomfundo Shezi     Photo by mwangi gatheca on Unsplash