Bare Minimum

So now he’s managed to convince you that he’s not just there for a hit and run, I mean, he definitely called to see you again and it was great. You have moved on from the anxiety that comes with meeting someone new, where you are not sure whether he will call you back or if he really is just that into you – go monate nyana nou. A few weeks go past and there are dates, you meet some of his close friends, hey man you have a few sleep overs at his house, he is consistent in his show of being your personal person…your skin starts glowing and before you know it you have fallen.

Then there’s a shift, at first you think that it may be just a busy time in his life, in fact he has said that work is keeping him quite busy. There are less calls and dates, sleepovers are almost reduced to nil, but there is no cause for major alarm yet, because although the frequency of interaction has reduced significantly, he has not gone full on ghost. He still takes your calls and responds to texts, albeit not as speedily as the in beginning, mara at least he responds. At this point you manage to organise some time together and you spend a good evening together and it feels like everything is back on track, however, it’s not. If at this point you had stopped to take proper stock you would have realised that you have been accepting the absolute bare minimum from this man friend.

Reality is you are on your own…this is now a glorified booty call. Men have a wonderful ability to string women along purely because they do not have the guts to have a frank conversation that they are not operating on the same wavelength or just not interested in anything more than the bare minimum. We women on the other hand, we are champions of forgiveness and second chances – looking back you realise that you accepted the absolute worst nonsense in the name of “making it work”. We gush because he called just to say hi, we jump on the roof because he let us drive his car – yeh bathong is that not what the person you are seeing is meant to do as a part of the normal course of relationshipping?

Ask yourself this question, the person you proudly call your boo and change all plans just to see him at his leisure – this same oke that you share a bed with and are not entertaining any other advances because of him, is this the man you can call in case of emergency? Will he stop what he is doing when your car breaks down and you’re panicking? Is this the man you can phone when your handbag has been stolen and you cannot get home? Will he come to your rescue or will he say “I’m so sorry, so what are you going to do?”? You drop you girls after making solid plans with them a week in advance because your so called man, whom you haven’t seen in weeks by the way, wants to hang out? You are grateful that after weeks he has made time? Look, I absolutely understand being busy, but not responding to my message and checking in on me in between meetings makes absolutely no sense – even Zuma ran SA and multiple marriages!

The time will come and during that introspection you will come to terms with the fact that a man that truly wants to be with you and who is into you is not a bare minimum type of brother, he will make an effort and he will do it with consistency – you will never ever wonder if he is just that into you. A man that wants to be with you will be crystal clear and will try hard to never make you feel unsure about where you stand with him, he will maintain his word, he will treat you well and you will know that you are wanted. Mara in these days where bare minimum is on the rise, be aware and don’t settle for it if that is not what you want. Don’t let good things pass you by while holding out for someone who only ever communicates with you ka Whatsapp once a week or sends you a twitter DM in the middle of the night asking you to come over…stay woke.

Writer: Palesa Motau