Letting Go. Celebrate Life.

Ever since I can remember I’ve played the responsible role. In every situation and every relationship. I gained independence from a very young age, something which happens to kids who start making money too early. To me, failure was never an option, it still isn’t. Sometimes I catch myself wishing for less in order to gain more.

More what? I don’t know, maybe what I want is life experience. If that’s the case then please tell me what on earth have I been doing for the past 22 years? So what would happen if I’d loosen up and let go? You know, if I’d just stop chasing so hard. Sometimes I even forget what it is that I’m chasing and what sacrifices I’m willing to make to finish first. Lord I’m tired! I was a spectator of my childhood, and now I refuse to carry such a habit into my adulthood. What’s this life thing about anyway if not for living? Some serious decisions need to be made in this world of mine.

My senses have started to experience a true rebirth, a renewal, a reawakening. I’ve recently started doing different experiments on my psyche by removing bad habits in my life that I feel hinder my original essence of being. All I strive for these days is to be content. I’ve felt a great need to nurture an interest in spirituality that goes beyond needs and wants. Yes, I think I’m on a life mission to let the spirit in me go free.

Oh yeah! I am freeing up my spirit! For too long have I pined over success, failure, money, boyfriends, clothes and my biggest weakness…the future. For far too long I have been stuck in the future and never stopping to feel the breeze blow as the birds migrate and the trees shiver off leaves to make room for growth. Well, I reckon it’s time to let this Afro loose and give it a shot at enjoying now, today.

I’ve learnt that everything happens in God’s time. So, what’s the rush? Where’re you running to so fast, what’s there that’s going to make you happy? Money? You know better than that. It might not seem like it right now, but everything is going to work out perfectly for you, just as you wish. You do the dreaming and He does the producing right!

Let that heaviness fall off your shoulders, skip, dance and even play. The world is your playground, remember! You like playing don’t you? Well, how about you start at the monkey bars! Get some exercise. It must be said that most of this unwanted stress is due to my choice in career. There is something very strange about pursuing a career that is so highly dependent on your popularity and I need not even mention that popularity is solely determined by a very fickle popular culture! Let’s dissect this for a moment: So, not only are you campaigning for the fans to love you, but you also need the industry’s approval in order to book a job! It’s a constant battle of want: did I get it? What are they looking for? Am I young enough, old enough? Pretty enough, ordinary enough! Am I enough? And the answer is no, to them you’ll never be enough.

If you’ve got thick skin, then this shouldn’t be an issue for you, but if you’re working on screen, that already says something about your want or need for attention. But the fact that you’re there in the first place strengthens my thinking that you can take the heat, considering your many failed attempts at booking a gig only to continue with the audition run. Oh, the horror of castings!

We’re already living in times of retardation, where your appearance is constantly being mocked by the lovely faces on covers starring back at you in a queue at Pick n Pay. No, I will not pick you and yes I choose not to pay for your insightful attempts at fixing my God given average looks!

Mouths around you will sing praises and sometimes hurl insults, but never to your face, just know that all of this is happening outside of you and the reality is that on the side-lines there is a gutsier, prettier and more exciting young gal waiting to fill your shoes. Oh and Lord behold, there are so many of them hanging on the arms of ab’omrappa – that one must just stop, stand, breathe and wonder. Out of all career choices, why on earth did I choose this madness!? But you love it. Being stuck in an office day in day out and pushing pen is not my idea of making a living – traveling, talking, posing, smiling and shaking hands with random strangers is just so much more fun.

Although I’ve been working for a reasonable amount of years, it never ceases to amaze me that I still feel like I’m trying to get in, but maybe that’s just one of my character traits, playing an outsider is what I do best. Or is it really?

My dear soul, I feel that it is my duty to urge you to dance on your tippy toes. I need you now more than ever. Please remember that as you dance, dodge the thorns simply because they will penetrate through your shoes and may take a while to pull out. And do choose to walk fast over the gravel, it may seem long but trust that the tar is around the corner. Once you get onto the tar, jump over puddles and refrain from the temptation of being mesmerized by your own reflection. Bear in mind that you’re still on the road to somewhere, where that is, you’ve got to decide.

Writer: Precious Kofi          Stylist : Mpumi Sintintili-sinxoto        Make Up : Diana          Photographer : Judd Van Renberg & Daz Tak      *This was published in 2010 for celebrate Life Magazine