Love In The Time of Kicking It (Part Two)

When I met her I remember saying that I don’t want a relationship, she responded with the words; as long as you are clear and upfront with what you want I am cool with it, so lets kick it. What does kicking it mean? What are the rules?

Let me start from the beginning. We met at work, she had the kind of body that you couldn’t ignore, as always there are Friday drinks, and one thing led to another. I discovered that she liked me and that made everything easier. I remember that my relationship was ending and I was hurting like a motherfucker because I truly loved the girl I was with at the time, yet I felt ill-equipped to deal with a lot of things that I thought our relationship required. The fights got longer, we stopped having sex, I got frustrated, this didn’t make it easier for the relationship to hold. I don’t cheat, but now that I think about it I wish I did just so that I could have a legitimate reason (according to me as a man) why the relationship ended. At this moment, I am very vulnerable, and this girl is not only here but she is willing to give it up, she had a fiancé that she didn’t want to be with anymore and I was in a relationship that wasn’t working so at this time we were perfect for each other. We are both hurting therefore we give each other time. I remember that I tried everything to fix my relationship at the time but the biggest problem was that I didn’t understand her. After the relationship was done, I opened up my wounds to this woman who also had her own hurting/wounds to share – which is never a good idea but here we were. It worked for while and it was exciting for a while but like everything else that’s not meant to be, it ended. Funny thing is that we are cool now, she seems happy and married with a child now’.

The second one was a long on-and-off situation, I remember the first time we met it was at work as well, Friday drinks… I was there hoping for some action, and one day the action happened. She ends up at my place and we have amazing sex because she has a body to die for. She seemed detached and said she ‘just wants sex’, I agreed but eventually broke it off because I felt in-love and I had a bae. For a while, things go well with bae but after a two years or so you break up and you send a “hey you” text to the former situationship. She responds, and next thing you pick up where you guys left off, but now it’s different because you are older and she is going through the most from the previous relationship. You are just there for sex, the conversations and the life lessons – now you are not the same guy she met the first time because life hasn’t been kind to you either and you are now philosophical about life and everything else. She likes that, she needs that, now more than ever, you have some faith in man, in humanity, in God, and only then do you remember the first agreement you had when you first met her… when you were young and foolish. The situation is not the same and she knows it, but the feeling maaaaan will tell you otherwise, the sex will tell you otherwise, the cuddles and back and forth texts will convince you otherwise… Babygirl falls and you are not there, you are still dealing with the past relationship hurts therefore it ends.

Two years after your last relationship, you meet someone you like, you are kinda healed, moved on (I used the word ‘kinda’ because you never completely heal nor move on – the love is always there no matter what, it’s just not enough for a relationship). There is something about her but you know that you don’t want a relationship because you’ve been hurt and you really don’t want to deal with another failed relationship because you are not getting any younger. You like this girl,  there is something about her but you don’t know what though, you have conversations – you state your situation and she says as long as you are clear with your intentions, she just came out of bad relationship. Things are cool, the girl is honest, she has created an environment where you feel that you can say what you feel and that it’s ok. As a man that’s new because even society doesn’t allow us to express ourselves. That environment feels nice, I’m honest about everything, work, past, life, love, money, I mean everything but this is a situationship. Shit hits the fan, you are in need of money to make things happen, girl is like I can sort you out let me know and I will deposit the money but I need the money back at a certain date, cool. You hustle and nothing come through you end up going back to her and she sorts you out but this is a situationship. You pursue your dream better with her by your side than you ever did with your girlfriends but this is a situationship. She is a better girlfriend than all your exes but this is a situationship – this makes you question all your other relationships. Isn’t this what I should’ve gotten from my relationships and not my situationship?

Jaye Newton x Jayla Smith age 19
Captured by @antsoulo
IG/Twitter @jayenewton
IG: @itsjaylasmith