You’re most probably someone’s step-mother or father, someone’s step-brother or sister and your parents are someone’s step-mother or father. There’s always a step-someone that needs to step in and carry on with the bait…has it always been like this? Will this ever stop maybe?

Why is it that one man can’t love one woman, settle with her through and through?

Why is it that one woman can’t love one man, settle with him through and through?

Just one person and done?

Stepping in mean someone failed, someone bailed out, someone chickened out, someone didn’t see themselves capable enough, and strong enough, responsible enough and most probably not prepared enough. We’ve seen it a countless times on uTatakho, she doesn’t even know who the real father is, and the father doesn’t even care no more. The kids are always left with trying to find their biological parent. Even on Khumbul’ Ekhaya we’ve seen it.

You’ve met this woman, she may not be your first lover but why can’t you stay and build with them, without looking back and choosing another one. Especially when they don’t have a child. A lot of us find people that just graduated or we met them before graduating, we’ve been through everything with and made promises. We’ve let each other into our darkest places and secrets. We’ve even met each other parent’s at some point. We’ve been the first ones to go under each other’s skin. Maybe even the first to be intimate with, dream with. Some, the only person they ever got in contact with, was you. Yet you still want to taste and choose another person. Some think it’s a cliché that there’s people that’s been with one person their entire life, unfortunately. Personally I know a few. And that few matter.

But what if they have a child?

This current generation has a lot of circles, chains and boundaries to break, period. From poverty, debt, beliefs, relationships and children from multiply partners. She has a child, love her enough still. Love her like its your first woman. Love her as if she doesn’t have a child. And know this, there’s no woman that’ll allow you to love her, without loving her child. That’s a woman. That’s a woman our generation needs. Some guys without a child may find it tough to love her, and the child. Learn my guy, for all we know this may save you from wasting time with a countless women. Women that’ll drain your energy, time, money, resources and love. Would you have that or try?

Step’s really have saved the day…

A lot of us were raised by our step mang mang, and they have done an exceptional job at that. They played a role that even our biological parents have failed at, they stepped up when the woman/man that left us. A friend of mine was raised by his step-father, just after his father left home. The father left home after telling my friend that he’ll never graduate, he’ll never make it no matter how much he tries. He emphasised that he’ll end up just like him, uneducated, unemployed and homeless. Today my friend has his own house, that’s important, I won’t mention other possessions, because having a house and his own educated family is everything.

Let’s save the day, and it shall end with us.

Let’s love and celebrate the ones that stepped-in and made it count. The ones that loved us, when our own failed to love us. The ones that spent their hard earned money on us, without complaining that they didn’t bring us into this world. The ones that wanted the best for us, even though they never had any better. The ones that protected us, when our own single parents couldn’t on their own. The ones that paid our varsity fees, even when they themselves never went to varsity.

Some will be step-mom’s, dad’s, brothers and sisters simply because truth was never told. For some reasons, it would stay that until the day before the wedding. For some it would be the fact that one moved on too quickly, not knowing they were carrying a seed already. For some it would be for monetary reasons, maybe the new guy earns/has more money than the baby-daddy.

What if the father in your house isn’t your biological father? Mother? And what happens when you actually know they are not?

It shouldn’t change anything, as long as they’re willing, trying and doing enough to be part of your life, allow them. Love them. Co-operate with them. Support them. Build with them. Communicate with them. Reach out to them.

They may not be your first, but at least your last.

Not just last, but integral part of your life.

For the step generation…

Writer: Mxolisi Tshabalala