The Dichotomy of Being …

I am what you could call a classic over achiever with control issues. Meaning that I generally have to succeed at everything that I attempt to do, and further more I like to have things done my way.

So what happens to a 32 year old over achiever, with control issues who feels that they have failed at their life?

I remember when I turned 30 years old a couple of years ago, at the time I felt I still had the time to do a lot. But then reality started to creep in. For instance in mathematical terms I have 30 years left till retirement( even less now), my biological clock is fast ticking away, and lastly I haven’t been in a solid relationship in well over two years, how do I expect to get married?

I have been told that this tends to happen when you reach the proverbial 30 year old itch, the world seems to morph into a time seeping sphere, and all the dreams you had feel like impossible realities.

Granted some of us put this untenable strain on ourselves, and society doesn’t help much either. We are caught in a cycle of trying to make something of ourselves. Reach that income gap where ‘ money ain’t a thing’, and you can go on holidays at a drop of a hat. How many of us have dreamt of being the captains of our own industries, building legacies that will be passed on to our children, and their children’s children.

Whether it be self-imposed pressure, parental pressure, societal pressure stemming from mass media flamboyance, we have set ourselves targets that have us feeling so incredibly devastated when we don’t achieve the smallest of our goals.

It is my belief that every person should at least have a plan for their life, a road map of the things they want to achieve in their career and personal life. Not only does this remind us of the dreams we have, but it also keeps us hoping for a better future for ourselves.

I would be lying if I said I had cracked the code of self-fulfilment and success. However I would hope that when we do some self-introspection and outward reflection we are able to see how far we have come, and just how much we have actually achieved.

We all come from humble beginnings, our stories are not all that different. And each has their own particular talent, some will achieve more than others. And some may not even get to point three of their dream list. However, the optimist in me believes that whatever your situation is now, it is in no way a duplicate of who you were and where you were a year ago. We are continuously evolving creatures, our paths cannot remain the same; it’s a virtual impossibility.

I implore you, take five minutes, and look back at your journey and how far you have come. Can you see how you have grown, evolved, and become a better version of yourself? Now look at the milestones you have achieved: going to college/varsity, officially living on your own, your first car, your first child, falling in love, falling out of love, landing your first proper paying job, your first paycheck, falling in love with yourself. How about the time you were able to buy your mother that one thing she always said she wanted, or fulfilling your parents, grandparents lifelong dream.

The list goes on, the point is we cannot look at ourselves through an over critical eye. We are like the waves of the ocean, our ebb and flow brings with it many interesting ‘ times of our lives’.

My thirties have brought a continuous wave of introspection and retrospection, and at times I have undermined my own achievements by comparing myself to the world.  At the end of the day, you are the captain of your own ship, go out and conquer.