Why Can’t You Get a Man?

This is an excerpt form Kagiso‘s book The Goddess Mojo Bootcamp: Awesome relationships are an inside job, now on sale

You Hate Men.

In the beginning God created man, looked at him, paused and thought “Surely I can do better than this!” Can I get an amen! A surprising phenomenon, but one that makes a lot of sense once you give it a think, is that many women who are in search of The One don’t actually like men. Stay with me. Many women who are actively seeking The One, their soul mate, or Mr Right, do not like men. We think that men suck, that the appropriate collective noun for them is a jerk of men. We have such little faith in men that we must sell ourselves on the idea of an exception to the “Men are Assholes Rule”, which would be The One. This is the one miracle guy who is not an asshole or at the very least won’t be an asshole to us, because Goddess knows we’ve gone through enough of those! So off we go in search of The One, not because there is one fabulous man out there meant for us, but because men are jerks so there can’t really be many who can make our relationship dreams come true. Hopefully, if there is a God, then there surely must be one? How is that for a limiting belief, Honey?

Learn To Love Men.

Dick is a beautiful thing,” declared, comedian Sommore, during the Queens of Comedy Tour.

Okay, so men are more than just dicks. However, you have got to see Sommore when she makes this declaration, to appreciate the love she pours into that short sentence. Thanks to YouTube you can. Watch that clip, from Queens of Comedy. Your goal is to cultivate the same kind of love for men that Sommore exudes for dick. What do you love about men, manliness, masculinity? What can you learn to appreciate about men?What about men turns you on?

Here is a list of 10 things I dig about men:

  1. I love to watch a man cook. I just pop myself on the kitchen counter with a glass of wine, and watch him squeezing at tomatoes and handling knives. Hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm.
  2. I love when a man does physical work, whether he is fixing the car, building a table or cutting the lawn. Men are sexy when they are doing stuff.
  3. At the same time, I really love a man in a well-fitting suit. Now if he is tall, slim and he pairs that suit with All Stars, Goddess have mercy!
  4. I love it when a man has lots of beautiful hair on his head and on his face.
  5. I love how uncomplicated men are. You can make them forget many of their problems by either feeding them or fucking them. If only for a while.
  6. I love the musculature of men’s arms. I can get lost in a well- toned bicep for hours. Now if it happens to be decorated with a full sleeve tattoo …
  7. When a man reveals his feminine, nurturing side by tending to a baby, I want to make him my baby.
  8. I love it when a man wraps his arm around my waist. Especially if that arm is well-toned and tattooed.
  9. I love watching a man take control of a situation, be it in a boardroom, a family drama, a broken-down car on the highway, a brawl at a party or a bedroom.
  10. I love seeing a man in love. I think men do love with a lot more grace than women. They tend to be more present with it. They don’t rush off into the future of the relationship, practising new signatures, wondering what “this” means, scanning you for all the things they plan to change about you later on. They can just be in love; here, now, and it is beautiful to experience.

Excuse me while I go find some men to play with.

This may come as a surprise to you, Honey, but men are people too, and like all sentient beings they are drawn to love and appreciation, and tend to steer clear of rejection and disapproval. Yet you want to attract men with the exact opposite strategy; “Prove to me that you are not an asshole like the rest of them.” Good luck with that, baby girl.

Writer: Kagiso Msimango     Photographer: Cedric Nzaka