You Don’t ‘Deserve’ A Woman, You Earn Her. But Why Bother When They Do This …

Thanks to women it has become ever easier to ‘get’ a woman, and even easier to dump one and go to the next. Look around you. We’ve done it too fast and too often that your current or prospect has probably already been with someone you know. In fact they may still be with that person and you couldn’t be bothered. Why is this happening in a world with 8 billion people in it? Women have made it easy for men to quell their erections.

Thank You Ladies For Giving Us Our Cake, We’ll Eat It Too.

Over the past two decades or even more women have been heard whispering about that man they are with whom already has a girlfriend. These morphed into confident and assured open conversations about how hard it is to find a good man so “take what you can get”. Then those conversations escalated to becoming decibel-crushing shouts warning other females that should they find an alleged single man they should run for their lives. Apparently a single man is a creature so rare that it only exists if the poor specimen has mental issues, has a dysfunctional phallus, is a woman or a liar. This has allowed men and women to justify the continued existence of side chicks and situationships so innately in modern culture that a man can go from one ‘main’ to another ‘main’ with Ms. Side Chick fully aware of the transition. But that’s a topic for another day. So, given this current state of affairs breeding men with no sense of a woman’s worth, and women sanctioning full philandering accreditations. How can there be good men? Who is supposed to develop these men into “good men”, their fathers? Tell me more about father figure absence, apartheid psychological remnants, unemployment and the dilution of African culture. Should men teach themselves? Tell me more about how men are celebrated by their peers for successfully hiding their other relationship from the ‘main’. Should it be women? The same people who are providing fertile ovaries and comfortable beds for men in relationships? By the time a break up happens another woman somewhere has already weighed in on the man’s decision. Chances are she has probably fought for your main relationship to stay intact. This maybe because she does not want to take the position of being a ‘main” for all the feels and responsibilities that come with having a full time man. She is content with another woman taking all the man’s “real life challenges” and she’ll just take all the drunken exciting sex. You can keep that boring Tuesday night sex… so she thinks.

Women Are Goats

In the Kenyan hinterlands, when a young man comes of age his parents will organise a ceremony to be held after the morning of his return from circumcision. His father will give him a single young goat on the day. Then the young man being fully aware that he is old enough to now lay with a woman, he also comes to the realisation that he needs 10’s of goats and several cows to even get a whiff of a woman’s fanny. The woman will not make the mistake of sleeping with a man if the man has not pursued her and has a stable full of livestock, therefore proof of is ‘value”. She guards her reputation and integrity for the sole purpose of preserving her ‘value’ for the benefit of the man who will marry her. This also extends to the benefit of her parents. Her coming of age years have been about learning how to take care of her parents and siblings, molding her patience with people growing older and stubborn daily. In a parallel universe the young man is realising that he needs to start with at least two goats. Dreaming about how they would multiply at a projected timeframe and he could simply start calculating when he is most likely to get laid. But, no! It is not that easy. With only one young goat he will need to carefully nurture it into maturity all the while tending to other odd jobs in the community. This will earn him another goat or income to buy another goat. This process unfolds simultaneously with his growing responsibility of building a house for his future woman and children. The journey to earning a woman becomes his whole growth into manhood. During this time he will learn how develop a being. Love, listen to and understand a being that cannot speak and tell him when it is sick, upset or just moody for no reason. This goat carries his entire future and immortality, it will bring him a woman and children: wealth. He will deal with adversities and only upon success will he be able to step on the starting line of a life with a woman. To gain that woman he will give up a majority or all of his life’s work to the woman’s family and start again with the woman by his side towards feeding his children. Should he succeed more than that, he will have the choice of marrying again and have more children. This practice is ubiquitous in all of Africa at various degrees. Livestock has been substituted for cash and lucrative careers. iLobolo is still a big part of the African culture. Men are still proud to pay their dues, and display evidence that they have earned the chance, yes only the opportunity, to ask a woman to come make their house a home. Have children and raise more wealth. A man is essentially saying, I have succeed in providing for myself. I am ready to take responsibility and care for another adult human being. Together, we will introduce new human beings to the universe. We will take the responsibility of caring for them emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and financially. That way I will live forever through them. They will be a testimony of my existence, the love we shared with this woman as parents and the greatness of our family.

So The Question Is…

Why are women in panic mode and taking up “anything they could get” ngathi kuthiwe ayaphela amadoda k’sasa? Their selfishness breeds selfishmen who breed selfish women. I mean how many people have you came across that you are sure are actually functioning nut cases. Stalkers, drunkards, sferbs, druggies, tire slashers, the insecure, general losers nje, and those death threats you keep getting. All of this and more is because of all this access men have to pussy. If men did not have this much access they would sit the fuck down and appreciate even for being touched on the shoulder by a woman. How can we possibly have gentlemen when there are fewer and fewer ladies? Ladies who command the utmost best from men. How can we have confident men assured that the woman next to them are worth all they have worked for and deserve all the best of everything to come? They treat women badly because he is psychologically fucked, insecure or aware of the options available. Oh yes, of course, there is that one that will find and marry their nutcase anyway.

Writer: Benele Rewo





  • Elle
    7th Jul 2015

    You know, the very few young ladies bred by old school Dames who knew the business of raising young ladies in a society out to get them are so overshadowed by the variety of crazies that you named above. Its even harder for them to step out of the shadows because it been inbred in them to remain.. “ever calm, not ever drawing attention to oneself and all the manners and etiquette drilled into them “old school style”. Its just ironic that a whole bred of young women raised to help build empires and dynasties fade into a nothingness (some form of extinction)…never to be heard or seen….its terrifying.

    • Banele Rewo
      7th Jul 2015

      Hi Elle…
      Thank you Elle. Spot on

  • Cara
    7th Jul 2015

    “Ladies who command the utmost best from men.” As I have understood in this article to mean a man who is financially and emotionally stable – he has already achieved some success which has to reflect in the women’s mind as his ability to “run shit” – so she is entering into a territory she can build on … So then our expectations of men should never be misunderstood for being shallow or superficial

    • Banele Rewo
      7th Jul 2015

      If you pay attention to who is in fact calling women whores for wanting successful men, is in fact losing men. They are fully aware that men a driven to succeed by admiration from women, wether many or one.

  • Huli
    8th Jul 2015

    This would have been a well rounded piece if the writer touched on the agency or choice that the individual male or female has to be whom and what they want to be, be that good or bad. At the end of the day the presence of ‘other women’ has been there since the beginning of time and I think what really makes people make decisions, of any kind is values. We each have values and at the end of the day our decisions are reflective of those.

    Women cannot bear the responsibility for men who have many women or agree that women created the market for this phenomenon. In life there will always be markets for many things, unfortunately most of them destructive to self and to ones community but its ones personal values that determines if one partakes in these.

    I can name many ‘popular or commonplace’ things that happen today that people feel are acceptable but as a woman of certain beliefs, I have decided that those things are not in line with my character nor my values system thus I will never partake.

    To blame an environment for a man’s or woman’s behavior is to take away their power and choice. If we really were victims of our environments then apartheid would still be law because none would have said no this is not what I stand for, I will stand for what I believe. This is perhaps a example that’s far from the current topic but I don’t want to go into this too much.

    Either way I feel the writer was ranting instead of discussing something meaningfully. I say this because I also believe that it is through us discussing these things meaningfully that we can actually become change agents and bring about a better healthier country. But perhaps the point of this article is to be provocative and not necessarily to be a one of depth on the topic, in which case the goal was achieved.

    • Banele Rewo
      8th Jul 2015

      Thank you Huli (sani) I presume…

      The fact that we are having this conversation means we are already winning.

  • Hoody B. Hood
    9th Jul 2015

    I also believe that evolution has also played a major role in fucking up today’s society. Women don’t feel like a man should “earn them” cos now they earn more than some men. This independence thing has thrown a lot of morals out of the window and thus bringing out the worst in the men too. Look at our parents for instance, why do you think they are still together after 40

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: