This was the topic that was trending on twitter the other day and everyone and their friends were having a field day with regards to this topic. This topic keeps on coming up as well here on Marvin…again and again. Then the question becomes, do women know why men ghost them or they are actually not really aware until it dawns on them that they have been ghosted? So let’s have an honest conversation about this, yes your experience is yours and we can’t take that away from you now that it has happened let’s have a conversation about why it happened and your contribution towards that, because no man will ghost a woman who makes him valued.
We are going to focus on relationships that mostly last more than 3 months, where both of you are past the sex and lusting of each other and now the real you is coming up and you are dealing with the not so nice parts about yourself. A lot of the times when you enter a relationship with a woman, she has an idea of what this relationship should look like in the future, where you should be, how far you should have progressed and this is a great thing if the man is involved in this plan. The journey becomes easier because you are on the same page of where to go and how to get there. Now, if the man is not on the same page then the relationship becomes a bit awkward. The first year of any relationship, the man is actually just there to get to know you, the good and the bad sides of you. The second year should be exploring new things with you such as vacations, weddings, braais as a couple because that transition takes time as well, it’s not just an automatic – because every girl you date has different things that are deal-breakers. Women usually believe that they are custodians of relationships, in other words, they know better what relationships should be like, now if the man doesn’t have a voice or feel heard or valued, he will ghost you. As men, we take longer to fall in love and I’m not talking about lust because that’s something else, when you fall in love you fall for the person and their qualities, so for men it becomes easier to ghost women because we are still not as attached as the woman might be.
Women are always right. There are women who treat men as an accessory of some sort and when that happens, we are aware of that, we just ignore it because maybe the sex is great. Maybe the man fits into your social profile and he looks good or has money and takes you on holidays – when the novelty wears off all the above are good enough reason to just ghost you (also I’m not saying the reasons are justified I’m just saying they are a good enough reason for the man to never want to talk to you again). Again, no man will ghost a woman who makes him feel valued. If you are always ghosted then the question should be what are doing to attract such men?
Another reason why men ghost women is accountability, women don’t like taking accountability in relationships with men – women take accountability towards their children (this is where we lack as men), but not so much in relationships. I have a theory that women apologize about three times a year in a relationship while men apologize for everything. At some point it becomes difficult to be accountable to someone who is not accountable to you as a man and as a result you know that ghosting them will hurt them as well as doubt themselves and doubt their own magic, just to hurt you. Some men use ghosting as part of self-preservation from toxic women because, as a society, we don’t like talking about toxic contributions from women towards men.
Photographer: Lexon Photography