According to psychosexual therapist Dr Ruth Westheimer, it is particurlarly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm.

Dr Westheimer says a man can just think about sex and have an erection. In a quest to find out how true this is, we asked our male friend Marvin.

Marvin says…

I doubt that foreplay is as important to men as it is to women; we are forever ready for sex and it doesn’t take us much to get excited. We are visual people, not to say that women aren’t. We just need to see a picture of a naked woman who has the curves in the right places and Boom! An erection! Whereas for women, you have to be in the right mood to set the pace to get ready and wet.

Foreplay depends on a lot of things and mostly it is the situation or the relationship you have with a woman. If it is a one-night stand in a bathroom at some club, I doubt foreplay would occur. I doubt fingering is foreplay either, I think most of the time we do that so that we can show our intention for the night, or to test if you are keen for sex.

Most of the time we just want to get in there because we don’t know if there’s going to be a return engagement. We also don’t want to waste time with foreplay just in case you change your mind or, heaven forbid, you remember that you’re cheating on your boyfriend.

Foreplay is crucial in a relationship because you need to understand the woman you are with and, also, you want her to be sexually satisfied. I believe that women are much more liberated when it comes to sex – or maybe it’s the type of women I’ve dated.

I’ve actually learnt more from them about sex than they have learnt from me because they communicate better than me. We are easier to please when it comes to sex and we climax quicker as well, but in the past I’ve seen a lady get upset because I didn’t climax at some point. She took it as rejection, which was odd for me. I don’t know if we care much about a woman’s climax or we care more about us getting our own.

Every man is different, some like public places, some like it on the couch, some like it in bed; therefore, foreplay will always be different. I believe communication is the key to understanding the next person with regard to what they want and what works and doesn’t. It also takes humility as a man to know that we actually have no idea on how to please women, but it can be achieved with the guidance from a woman.

Published on AssaysOfAfrica by Hlulani Masingi