The reality is most people spend a good majority of their lives looking for an Ideal Lover. To most people this is a person who will focus intensely on them, understand their most intimate needs and give them all that they are missing. With men it’s no different, and in my opinion men are less likely to settle in love as compared to women. Most women are so wrapped up in their own desires, so impatient, that they are incapable of ever realising this when engaging with a potential lover. Very few people can resist the temptation of following a person who seems so attuned to their desires, to bringing to life their fantasies.
So then one can ask, what do men desire, crave for and what actually makes them fall in love?
There is a school of thought out that that says 50% of who is are is exactly the same as everyone else, 40% you can do better than most people but does not make you unique, and 10% is what makes you one of a kind. I further support this theory by adding:
So on that point, there are 3 things a man needs to feel in order to fall in love, or rather there are 3 things a can do in order to appeal to a man’s 90%.As for the remaining 10% that is something you either get the 1st time around or you don’t get at all. The 3 things are as follows:
When a man walks out that door every single day of his life, he is out to fight a war. Be it a real one or not, but he is required to be strong as the world has no mercy for weak men. So above everything else, you must be the safest place for him to go on this planet. He needs to feel safe in your presence and he must know that no matter what happens, you will always have his back. Even his novelty-seeking eyes wander; he’ll always be called back to you.
How do you create a safe space?
Two guys once told that if there were no women on this planet; men would not be inspired to do great things. One even went further to say the desire to get the “biscuit” is the reason why we live in a world of great inventions, innovation, creativity and passion. Sounded silly at the time but I have hence learnt that this is very true. Men need to be inspired to go out there is do something great, that you will notice and appreciate. A man wants to feel like a hero: This requires you to acknowledge and surrender to his strength. Men want to feel trusted and respected by their woman, as that’s what they interpret as love. A man will chose respect over love any day. Believe in his desire to look after you, protect you and push you towards your wants. Look for the hero in your partner, acknowledge and appreciate that aspect. Men also want to be praised. Men love being acknowledged for specific things and in public if possible. Your ego may hold you back from sharing empowering, affirming feedback with your man, as an attempt to maintain leverage and power. Power is not the currency of true love, open-hearted transparency is.
A man wants to be physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to you. So let’s break these points down to gain deeper insight:
Physical attraction: Men are visual beings, use it or don’t use it but this as true as the cold in winter. A man wants to desire you sexually and he also wants to know that you desire him in this manner too. You have to learn to enjoy sex, share your needs, wants & fantasies, and be open to hearing his.
Mental attraction: Men are attracted to witty and curious women who have fascinating thoughts. They are also attracted to your truth and mystery too. In plain simple English men don’t like boring women. Create a field of aliveness in his mind and the best way to do this is be yourself and speak your truth. And to add more fun to this, be like a union that has layers and layers that he will need to peel off slowly overtime. Maintain a little mystery; let him discover something new about you now and then.
Emotional attraction: A boy once told me that our spirits get along, but somehow we just can’t seem to get along in the physical world. I think what he meant was that his spirit is attracted to mine; it’s a pity mine wasn’t there. But anyway, the point is when you share your fears, pain, desires and dreams with him it shows him your humanity. He’s looking for a place where all his emotions are safe to land. If you cannot own & express your own emotions, you definitely won’t be able to help him with his. For any relationship to really work, you have to get good at ‘feeling’ .Many men don’t know how to feel their feelings and they’re unconsciously looking to their woman to teach them. A man falls in love with the woman he feels most alive around. In other words embrace your femininity.
Writer: Dudu Nhlabathi Photographer: Jeff Rikhotso