With this post, I am going to get a bit personal. It is about a recurring pattern I’ve seen for years now amongst my girl and guy friends, and though some of you inherently know of it, have experienced it, have read about it, I’m here to coin it, ‘The 28/29/30 Year Itch’

I’ve always avoided dating men, in this age bracket; I usually dated guys in the 23-26-age group or 32-37. And my reasons for this were the itch years. Men and women in their twenties, have certain needs and wants, that old soul like mine are willing to abide by but to a certain extent. So being the curious person that I am, I started reading books on personalities, astrology, heck  I even read Steve Harvey’s ‘act like a lady thinks like a man’ just so as to understand what was going on around me.

This is what I deduced…Men and women in their twenties are either finishing off their academic lives or starting new careers. They are focusing on what others think of them, how they look, who they are seen with. They are influenced a lot by their peers and tend to be very competitive.  It’s all about the cars, the pretty ladies and handsome men, and usually ends up being about the ‘oops I have a baby’.

But as they approach their late twenties, 28 to be exact, their minds start to change, subconsciously. If they have been dating for a while, this becomes the moment of truth. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Do I see my children’s eyes through their eyes? Is this the career path I want to follow? Is this the country I want to live in? Where has my life gone, and what have I achieved.

Now, these are normal questions, with potentially startling answers, for if the person you are with bores you to the back of your teeth, a break-up or indiscretion is about to happen, and usually does. If on the other hand, you discover that this person is the love of your life, well then a hasty proposal and wedding ensue and you live life happily ever after. This is why marriages that start with the partners in the early ’20s upon hitting their 30’s tend to be strained, for all these questions start coming up again, and stability or instability is sure to follow.

When it comes to careers, this is the time when promotions happen, after several years of experience in a certain company, finally pay off, or when people resign from their careers and start their own companies or change careers completely. Its that existential question of who am I? Where am I?

Now being the cautious person I am, averse to risk, I steer clear of these years. Too much soul searching. Of note is that I am a living cliché of this itch, I resigned from my job when I turned 29 sold all my belongings and I’ve spent most of this past year travelling and finding my space in this world. See, I knew this would happen, so I chose not to commit to any one country, continent or person. I am 30.

Now women and men in their 30’s have already been through the proverbial drama of their 20’s. They have faced their life choices, lived through them and have accepted them. And this is when all the fun begins. A woman in her 30’s is usually calm, has accepted her body for what it is and has no hang-ups about it. She feels strong and sexy and flaunts it. She is over the NEED to impress and just wants to keep herself happy. If she is broody, she is aware that all she wants is a partner and will steer clear of the ‘players’. She recognizes them now, she doesn’t need to be played, and she wants straight forward. On the flip side, she will also be more willing to have a fling, for again, she has no hang-ups, she is well aware of what she is getting herself into, and accepts it without the tiresome ‘does he love me – I will make him love me –I can change him’ sing-song.

Men in their 30’s are also more self-aware, are comfortable, confident, have had their time to play the field and are looking for stability. They know now, what partner they want, they have their success, security and any person male/female at their beck and call, and this becomes tiresome. They want the challenge of a gem, and when they see that person, they pursue with one goal in mind commitment. The mid-to-late thirties are often the period when men give in to their urge to settle down.

On the other hand, a man in his 30’s is also good at setting boundaries, he has mastered the game, he knows how to charm that 20-year old into submission, without committing to anything. By now, he either has a kid from a 20’s relationship or is married with the love of his life. See a man in his 30’s is at his best, and it only gets better in his 40’s.

Writer: Juliet Kavishe       Photographer: Gugulethu