Ride or Die Kinda Girl?

I need to ask a very serious question: Why is that, when a woman takes it upon herself to be your ride or die chic,(some) men somehow find a way of messing that up?

Before I am showered with death stares, please understand I am in no way painting all men with the same brush here. However, when one finally gives in and becomes that Bey to your Jay, somewhere along the way self sabotage comes in and ruins the day.

Let me also add, that this phenomenon is not strictly found in the male species, females are prone to being part of this movement.

I have come to appreciate that we all want to love and be loved, so I never understand how betrayal comes so easy for some people.

You meet someone, you court, you date, and eventually concretize what you mean to each other. And there she is, floating along thinking you guys share the same plan, the same dream and that you are building something. Like Achilles, she takes it upon herself to be the pillar of strength that you need whenever you need it, whether you have asked or not. And not to say that you aren’t being the great man she thinks you are. You do your bit too, and for a while there you are pillars for each other.

If she had to, she probably would kill for you. At some point, I’m never sure when, or why things start falling on one side. Let’s assume that this woman, is the perfect 10, she ticks all the boxes, she is gorgeous, with a body to match and an intellect that drives you crazy. She can tackle stocks and bonds, and on the other hand understands all the rules of Formula One. She provides you with intellectual, emotional and physical stimulation.

What goes wrong? What makes you walk out into the street and entertain a woman who, by all accounts is far less the woman she is?

I don’t know if you have ever sat down with a woman who has been blindsided by a betrayal, especially by someone she trusted, and most importantly someone she cared for deeply. It’s a hurt that runs so deep, that trying to articulate in words is quite near impossible. You may hear her exhale long and sharply, trying to articulate the hurt without sounding bitter.

As many women have experienced, when you as a female are trying to explain something that has affected you deeply, you are branded as being emotional , and anger and disappointment you feel described as being bitter.

No relationship is without its problems. But, I do believe that if and when we find ourselves in a bubble of appreciation, we should not take that for granted. The hurt we inflict on others has a way of laying sprouting roots in someone’s soul, and destroying them and people that God may place in their path later in life.

I will admit that I have been on both sides of this matter. Although not my intention, I once took a gentle-brothers appreciation for granted even though our relationship was not at the serious stages, one should always keep in mind that people don’t stay stagnant, they grow and become better versions of themselves. And over time they have the ability to bigger and better pillars.

My only advice is honesty and communications go a very long way. If each are able to clearly identify what they want from a relationship, and build a good foundation from that, then they have a better future ahead. And never forgetting that we all grow, and we all

A cautionary tale embedded also in this is that we should be weary of elevating our partners to a glorified saint status. Especially we women, man we can romanticise a lot. We anoint our partners with some kind of halo status, to a point where you stop living your life and being his shield and armour ensuring that he achieves his goals.

What about your own goals woman? You know the ones you had for world domination? We need stop leaving ourselves behind, and be partners and not only cheerleaders to our significant others. In that way when he grows, you grow and vice-versa. Every Queen needs a King, there are no Cinderella stories.

Writer: Lusanda D Ntuli      Photographer: Khumbelo Makungo

  • Lindiwe Monica
    2nd Apr 2015

    I had this same conversation with myself around this time last year because one morning I woke to my love bubble being burst… Lol tjo I can still remember my scent that day, my ringtone as these calls to burst my bubble came flooding in… Around the last call I don’t think I was in my senses…. Shooooo I remember every little detail of how I watched everything I held so dear fall apart…

    For the longest time I think the questions I had centered around “WHY”
    And one day… I stopped asking “WHY” and I looked at myself in the mirror and I knew that healing was due.. And I have to say that was one of the best things I did for myself.

  • Khanyo Zondi
    4th Apr 2015

    when you’ve been that ride or die chic for him for the longest time & one day your world is shaken & crushed to dust & u realize that you have to be that ride or die chic for yourself. Most men know how to ruin a good thing, they have a God given gift for it. I was bitter for the longest time & i had every right to be, the pain ran deeper than i had ever experienced. i was hurt to my soul….

    What now? i had to find myself again, after i had lost myself in it all. After a while u stop talking about it & u deal. Being the ride or die chic is all good but to a man who is being the ride or die guy to u. We tend to get carried away by our hearts and neglect number one. Now i never make the mistake of not taking care of no.1, me.

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