Friends, can we talk about relationship PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), many of us have it yet we simply brush it off, and don’t acknowledge its effect on us and our future relationships. If you would be honest with yourself for a minute, and look back at your past relationships, what pattern would emerge from those experiences? I would describe relationship PTSD, as going through such a traumatic experience in a relationship that you literally cannot move on from it, or you have consistent flashbacks when entering a new relationship that your level of paranoia rises to an incomprehensible level, thus self-sabotaging the relationship. In essence this could be that thing most women are consistently accused of doing – the ‘don’t compare me with your past relationships’ syndrome. I believe however that this comes from a place that seeks simply to protect the self from harm, whether it be physical or emotional. Females are beautifully sensitive creatures, I am not saying that a women’s hurt is greater than that of a man’s, but as a female I know that I have come to a point at one time or another where the pain become all consuming, and devastating. Women love in a way that only God in his wisdom could’ve configured, the way we love is holistic, uncompromising and deeply caring. I have heard it being said before, that there is no love like that of a woman.
This love however can be distorted and abused by those she chooses to love. There is a certain level of devastation when the love you give to another becomes abused, distorted and trampled on in a way that can emotionally scar a woman. Speaking from experience it can be a debilitating force that leaves you unable to even function adequately whilst trying to piece together the remnants of what was, and what could be. Perhaps we are too trusting as a gender, hoping and wanting to believe the best in others. This can at times be taken advantage of. Anybody who has ever been through this kind of pain finds it difficult to connect to others post the trauma. Life becomes a sort of battle zone, where one continously tries to anticipate from which side the next insurgent will come, trying to constantly guard your heart against those who could destroy you once again. Especially once you have tried to piece together the broken pieces of yourself. Trust, we are not trying to make it difficult for those gentlemen out there who are trying to get to know us. However, you must understand that the trauma of hurt, betrayal, lies or whatever the situation was can leave one simply unable to connect meaningfully without first trying or constantly looking for the faults that exist within a person’s character. The unfortunate primal need to be wanted, loved, needed and held has us coming out of our cosy and safe shells into an uncertain world, filled with man sized dangers.
The process of reintegration is never an easy one. It involves much prayer, meditation and one-on-one conversations with the self, to eventually emerge from the darkness that had you had so comfortably emulsified in your safe zone. My brothers, let me reiterate, it is not our intention to make things difficult for you. It is just that for a woman to call it quits and walk away takes a long time. I suppose it comes from the competitive nature of life, as we all compete for a suitable mate, but what I know is we try everything to fix the situation before we can say ‘ I can do no more, I have tried my best’ and walk away. Many men and women see this vulnerability in our nature as way to continue to take advantage of the situation, thus prolonging the inevitable. We are too forgiving, and far too understanding. I once met a woman who said she would never divorce her habitual cheat of a husband, she was telling this to me ‘other woman’ in this situation. I will not condemn her for her choices, they are hers. However, I do believe that no person should suffer at the hands of another human being, especially when your are giving your love to that person wholeheartedly. Men and women should be held accountable for their actions. No one should be exempt.
This poppycock notion that sees men cheating on their significant others must stop, zip your shit up! Nobody should seek to be the village donkey. Unfortunately a lot of men wear their infidelity as a badge of honour, cheered on by their peers. He is celebrated for breaking someone’s trust, I mean really! Whilst men can easily point the finger at women and blame them for the relationship PTSD, they forget that they probably are part of the cycle. It could be that the very mate they had just cheered on for his welterweight belt in tom foolery, could’ve been the very reason why his current interest has deep misgivings about the character of all men. Wake up to your consequences people, let’s stop the cycle of hurt, and PTSD’s of all kind.