Clearly, there is something that I must be missing here, what is this obsession with my womb, or the contents thereof?
Over the past twelve months, I have received no less than five offers from men, some of whom I was romantically linked to at some point, or ones who I have met recently, who have asked me to bare them an offspring.
My assertion on this matter has always been as follows: commitment first and then the rest shall follow. Yes, I can hear the earth-shattering noise made by the mechanical springs of my biological clock telling me that time is running out. I do not wish to insult mother nature, but this body is no playground for men fixated on finding out if their spermatozoa have the God-given, and nature provided prowess to fertilize an egg and create life.
This is where the story starts to get a little complicated for me. I have no wish to be a baby mama to anyone. I wish only to be referred to as Mommy/Mama and Wife. Preferably all in the same sentence, and within the same communal jurisdiction. Not only does baby mama conjure dramaticised negative images for me, it simply does not take into account the sacrifice and the love that entails being a mother.
Now before the side eyes and the claws come out, hear me out. I come from a generation born between two opposing generations. I was raised to want and build a family. On the other hand, I grew up to strive for my independence. The incandescent apple of my eye – my nephew – is currently being raised by my sister, a single mother. Shout out to single mother’s worldwide, in fact, single parent’s period. Raising a child without the unremitting support of the other parent is difficult.
I decided many years ago that I would only become a single parent by choice. I’m a control freak in that way. It takes exactly two people to make a baby, so why does this responsibility end up being that of a single person.
My argument has always been that the child suffers more, not only financial in many cases but also emotionally. An absent parent can grossly affect the child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing. Granted there are many well-adjusted individuals out there who come from single-parent homes, however, I would, in all honesty, prefer that my child to knows both parents.
It’s all fun and games when this baby was being made, why then does it get difficult when it is time to maintain?
I simply love the notion of having a family, it is important to me that a child has both parents in the picture for love and support. Should there be irreconcilable issues that arise, it should not in any way affect the child.
As always I advocate for personal choice in all matters, and situations are never the same. I would LIKE to see a generation of black children who know what black love looks like. We are continuously inundated with negative perceptions of blackness, we are told that our men are not good fathers. Whether or not both donors, male and female, end up together to raise the child, can we at least commit to raising our children with total love and dignity. Let’s change the face of what the world thinks they know about black love, about black families, these do exist. They are not only found on Generations or a Tyler Perry movie!
Writer: Lusanda D. Ntuli Photographer: Khumbelo Makungo