How insecurities can affect the quality of relationship?

Featuring resident psychologist Nthabiseng Ramotwala

 

Route for some of these insecurities

As we have relationships we get information that is called a script for your life, as you interact with other people and they tell or give you feedback about yourself and things that you do, and that you end up internalise everything they tell you, and these things become what you do. You end up taking responsibility for things that you’re not responsible for. And you end up being insecure. And when you’re with someone who’s constantly on your case, criticising you, constantly making you feel that everything you do and everything you’re is wrong. As soon as a person doesn’t accept you unconditionally then they’ll start criticising you.

“You’ll always be wrong, for a person that is wrong for you”

 

How past relationships can play a role in making one feel even more insecure?

Many mistakes are made here. Create new memories with your new person. The biggest mistake is transferring ones fears, doubts and failures into your new relationship. Embrace your past, and move on. Insecurities stem from lack of self-confidence. Female’s biggest mistakes is when they enter a relationship without sorting themselves out first. Not having to make your new partner for your ex’s mistakes or wrong doings. He’s not that guy, she/s not that girl.

A lot of times stems from how your partner treats you or say to you. If you with someone who’s constantly bashing you or making you feel like you’re in competition with other women, then you’ll never be enough. The fixer. When we try to fix people in a new relationship. Coming or being inspired by “Couple goals”. Seeing an image of what you want in a man/woman, but how we look affects a relationships, e.g. wanting a man with six-pack or girl with big behind. You want your partner to look a certain way. Watering this insecurity plant.

Reassurance in a relationship…

Letting your partner be. Understanding that one has a potential to change and grow. Be realistic, if a guy has a hectic job, be realistic in knowing he can’t always be with you. Be with someone who make you celebrate and appreciate yourself.

Is asking your partner if they’ll marry you, actually a sign of insecurity?”

Legitimate question. But should stem from where we are in a relationship, after 3 months we can’t be asking each other that. There’s still more work and building that has to be done in that space of time. The wedding is lovely, but marriage is a lifetime union, within that 3 moths would you have decided that? Be real with yourself.

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