It takes two to tango

But: why Sis? It is unfair to slut-shame the other woman. It is wrong to single out the other woman, to put all the cheating blame on her But: why Sis?

It is in fact the man who is the cheat; it is he who has been unfaithful; it is he who has ruined his relationship, and not the other woman But: why Sis?

Our society is sexist and misogynistic and patriarchal, and that is why the other woman always gets blamed, always gets blamed more than the man; and it is unfair and quite sexist of us to be blaming Bonang when AKA is the one who was in a relationship with DJ Zinhle; when he is the one who chose to act with impropriety, who chose to be unfaithful while in that relationship

But… why, Sis?

U Bonang akazishelanga

But…why, Sis?

U DJ Zinhle should deal with her man and leave Bonang out of it. It is very unfair of Zinhle to be publically shaming Bonang like this; to be ruining her name, her brand. Why does she hope to gain from all of this?

But: why, Sis? It is none of our business. We should mind our own business; we should focus on our own faulty lives

But

Why

Sis?

We all have our histories; we all have skeletons in our seemingly pretty closets: we really have no business judging anyone

But…why Sis?

We do not know the whole story; we do not know the truth; there are many sides to every story and the truth is the one side which hardly ever comes to light

but why Sis?

But we do blame Bonang, we are disappointed in Bonang. And yes, we do know (we really do know) that it is quite unfeminist of us, that it is quite sexist of us, to be coming down on Bonang like a ton of bricks; to put all the weight singularly on her shoulders, to Atlas her; and yes, in our blaming and our judgment we are supporting and reaffirming the very patriarchy which we abhor- this too we know. But we cannot help it. We cannot detach ourselves from the blaming and shaming because that there is a question which consumes us, which won’t leave us be; which won’t vacate our minds, there is a question engasiniki ichance!

Why Sis?

We cannot help but ask: why Sis? Why when you know what we are all up against as women; when you know what men put us all through; when you can see that it remains a man’s world; when you too have had your heart broken and have been broken and humiliated for your love, for loving – like we all have been; why then would you contribute, would you participate, in making your sister’s life harder, in making her love experience more painful; why would you contribute in heightening your sister’s struggles?

Knowing what you know, knowing, why then sis’ would you not do better?

Why Sis?

Writer: Nomfundo Shezi