I read a letter that a friend sent me the other day that spoke to so many truths and anxieties that I identify with when it comes to matters of the heart. It spoke about not being afraid to fall in love
I miss missing someone.
I miss the foreplay of wordplay created through the hourly texts. The random cute phones call queued up to fill up your day. Shit see I miss that fucking feeling of missing you. The urge to call and tell you a joke so I can hear you laugh.
Damn, like these phone calls, extended as seconds become minutes that turn to fucking hours, you know those long type of phone calls, where no one wants to drop because this time is ours. Ye that’s the shit I miss.
I just miss sending you flowers, like ye, you know to match that yellow dress ‘cause you told me you would be wearing that sexy yellow number. I knew that would put a smile on your face. I could imagine your smile as the scents serenade you to cloud nine.
Fuck I miss that smile…
I miss that calling ‘your’ person phase and playing them your favourite song/dedication. The surprise picks up from work when you least expected it. The random movie ‘cause all you wanted to do was spend time together.
So many fucking things that I fucking miss…
I could list them all bullet points aimed straight from my heart to yours. I miss the butterfly effects as they erupt in giddy anticipation for the moment my eyes lay eyes on your perfection.
Shit girl, I miss our depth, like those constant conversations where time is not enough because even if the constellations aligned to serve us days on a platter there wouldn’t enough time.
I miss the truth. Shit, openness, and transparency.
Us making our halves a whole, I miss the way you fell into this (w)hole heartedly filling me with desire, lust and dare I say, you know like that 4 letter word cause like when my eyes peeped you, that’s all that mattered. Our days were filled with Netflix and chill type vibes, talk shit and just be type vibes till the sun rose.
Shit you see I miss that idle idiot smile plastered to my face type of fucking love simply because you know someone loves you and you love them back and no one can break that bond like. It’s like we are bound in our own reality away from these false fictions created in made-up movie scenarios.
It’s that kinda love that makes it all that much greater when we both move in business, my Bonnie to this life of sin type shit cause as your Clyde I’d always be down to ride. Real life scenes, that life imitating art Jay and Bey typa shit depicting what we would become.
In hindsight, real love won us over because we don’t need that Jay-Z & Beyonce steez ‘cause love got us together. Or ‘cause you had me at hello…. before I knew what your bankroll was. And even when I did, the reserves didn’t amass to the amount of love I had for you.
I miss that kinda love where you hear the same track and you bump the same shit together coz you love the 808 at 2:43 seconds simply because heartbreaks don’t exist in our flow. We spit bars together because that’s what your best friend does. Or the type of love when you don’t finish off each other sentences, but you say something funnier because, uhmmm… great minds think alike and shit?
It’s that moment you actually did pick up the phone to say, ‘Ya wena, hoezet, I was calling to say that I miss you and ask you what number Jordans your wearing at tonight’s event?’ The kinda appreciation for your partner that that can even make you leave your homies mid-turn up just so you can be with the girl of your dreams and not imagine her later that night while catching up dreamland visions, all because that song played and reminded you of the first person you heard it with typa shit.
Or maybe the kinda shit that has you posting the same pic, or you have the same WhatsApp pic cause ya’ll click like that. Or the kinda love that meant being with you was a good enough plan for my Saturday. Or being in bed whilst we fucked Box office up was legit enough as weekend plans. Or even remember the day we met as thee most special fucking day.
I miss the kinda love where handwritten letters meant that it was genuine, not a heart emoji that expressed your undying faith to the person who made your heart skip a beat. Or the kinda love that meant relationship goals were actually that and not a meme of Kim K and Kanye holding hands. The kinda love that meant sharing life goals really meant that we would stick this shit out.
Like shit can I be fucking honest with you?
Writer: Kgomotso G Mautloa Edited by Nomvelo Buthelezi