Or woman. Whatever one wants to call it. Bottom line is that I am single. In fact, I’m so single, I can’t remember the last time I got a young “Good morning/Good Night” on WhatsApp. Things are bad. Up until this precise moment as I write this piece I didn’t quite realise just how single I am. I may be a little bothered. – I mean I am (relatively) young, black, good looking, healthy, educated and employed. Am I not a catch? Surely that’s what society has socialised me to believe?
Am I single because I have no options? Well, the real answer is no, there are one or two potentials on my radar, but I have grown into someone who is intolerant. I want what I want, in the way that I want it when I want it. I need me a brother with finesse, a brother with game and charm. A good-looking brother I can take to kasi and the finest restaurant. One could look at this and wonder if my requirements are so few and so simple, how am I not partnered up? What is the matter?
Well, the dating pool in Johannesburg (ok ok Gauteng) is as empty as a drained swimming pool. Ok, I exaggerate. Mara things are bad. It’s the real ghetto. We are living in a world of zero game – someone gets your number and immediately seeks to WhatsApp you and call you “babe”. SHOOT. ME.
Where is that old school nyana charm, where a gentleman met a lady and did some work in order to get either her attention or number? Are we living in such a time that instant gratification is a norm where men are asking women to come to their homes on the first date and proceeding to never call or speak to them again when thy decline because there is another Palesa on standby who will make it happen?
I won’t lie, the arrogance I wore proudly in my 20’s has worn off. I am worried that I may actually grow old and live out my glory days alone, begging my children to come visit me. Then I also wonder, am I better off single because I am then safe from being dribbled? At 31, many of our parents were married and had all their children, they were literally living out the rest of their lives. At 31, I have two kids (at least), a house, and a car, but, oh and that is a huge BUT, I am single.
I carry the emotional burdens of my heart alone, I don’t have the luxury of tenderness that one can really only get from a romantic partner. I mean there are days when all I’d like after a long day is to be babied. I miss that, I miss the tenderness of being adored by someone you feel the same about. I find that despite genuinely having my life very together in just about every aspect, the part that constantly glares at me is the being single bit, it’s as though I’m wearing a gigantic badge that says, “I am single”. I speak of the topic with plenty of banter, but honestly, it concerns me that at this age I am not building a rapport with someone that I will spend the rest of my life with. I am not sharing and creating memories with a significant other and that genuinely sucks.
What we also don’t discuss is how being a perpetually single girl changes how you are viewed socially by other women, especially married ones – you arrive at a house party/intimate setting, alone (again) and people start drawing nearer to their significant others, because, well clearly you are there to steal their husbands… Oh and the damn married men that now start hitting on us. I sincerely wonder if there is a neon sign above my head saying, “I need to be hit on by a married man”. Oh no bathong, I rebuke the spirit of married men thinking they’re doing single women a favour by “taking them in”. Nope, I will no longer entertain people’s husbands, not everyone will end up with Mr. Big. It’s scary, that even though I may wait it out for the right kind of guy to come by in a few years, he will come also having been so traumatized by love, women, and possibly marriage.
The current and future dating pool (the little that remains) is filled with so many damaged souls that authenticity is often just a pipe dream, meeting someone genuine is as likely as winning the jackpot at a casino. With all that, I still love love and sincerely hope to meet someone in my current lifetime, mara oksalayo I’m a single girl…