Having a baby in a relationship demands drastic changes and sacrifice. Depending on how both parties handle the situation, this has a major impact on how the kids will be affected as they grow up. Now let’s look at what happens to a child once their parents breakup. For the child, their world has been torn apart, from living together to living with one parent and the other is not there anymore therefore breaking their cycle of how things were before. The child normally doesn’t understand why their parents broke up and in their mind they just wish that they could actually get back together so that they can be happy again.
That’s why some people say they decided to stay or make things work for the sake of their child. I can only cover the effects for younger children as I have personally observed it. For young kids between the age of, let’s say 4 to 12 years old, at this age they have solid memories of how it was when the parents were together and mostly want the parents to get back together again. Now that they have gone their separate ways, the kids need to learn a new cycle of back and forth from one place to another creating instability and insecurity in their lives. Some kids even blame themselves for their parents breaking up, other kids become extremely angry at basically everyone.
In some cases a child becomes manipulative, meaning they are able to play emotional blackmail (yes children are capable of it) on both parents when they visit either one of them; for example the child is visiting their father then cries for the mother but when they are with their mother they constantly cry and demand to be with their father creating an uncomfortable feeling as a parent that your own child doesn’t want you. Other kids become clingy and behave much younger than their actual age; my observation was the difference between my friends’ 8yr olds where one is from a broken family and another whose parents were still together. The 8yr old child from the broken family would converse like a typical 5-year-old, would be extremely clingy like a baby due to insecurity and had problems with bed wetting and/or soiling their pants. The child from the broken family would be extremely hard to discipline or actually be totally irresponsible when it comes to minor chores and taking care of personal belongings/toys. Sometimes the child becomes withdrawn and occasionally throws tantrums.
Children from broken families sometimes also seek acceptance and love in the wrong places where they are more vulnerable and are exploited by much older kids or adults especially if the kids are missing a father figure. In one unfortunate instance, the child was repeatedly sexually molested as the molester saw a window of opportunity to dominate the child as the child did not have a father figure to guide them in what is deemed as inappropriate behavior. My observation was that the boy child thought he was getting comfort and love from their molester and never told the mother what was happening. Now I know you are going to say they do not have a direct impact but let’s admit it, majority of times when parents split, the children remain with their mother and the father is the one that gets the short end of the deal, ultimately limiting the exposure of a critical father and child relationship.
Sure, some kids do exceptionally well with or without the father, but the majority suffer long-term psychological effects all because they didn’t have a father in their lives while growing up or the relationship deteriorated after the father left. I think it is important to note that in order to lessen the negative effects; parents need to really learn how to co-parent in the most peaceful way that always puts the best interests of the child first. When two parents are mature in their decision of how their children’s lives are going to continue after the break-up, the children have a far better outcome as they will know that not Looking at children who live with both parents that are mutually devoted in raising their kids, the kids are much more mature and emotionally stable, I see that a lot with my son, he is not needy or lacking self-confidence, he is more curious about the world, he has no fear about losing his parents, and gets to focus more on his development as a child.
He also doesn’t have the faintest clue about adult problems as opposed to children in broken families who unfortunately have to be counseled about adult relationship dynamics then later regurgitate the information fed on them to other kids, they would mention divorce, lawyers, court and kids from stable families would not have the faintest clue what that is, let alone care. Generally, children from stable families have the luxury of not knowing what disappointment is, for example either of the parents or both are always there for them, and they tend to do well in extra mural activities as they can always count on their parents to support them. Kids from stable homes have a far better outcome in the future to also start their own families as they would have been exposed to the foundations of a loving home throughout their entire lives, and this will all be second nature to them. Sadly children from broken families have a 50/50 turn out, broken parents raise broken children, broken children in return will raise broken children as so the cycle continue…