As much as I love my girls, I have always maintained a healthy circle of guy friends. I have been one of the boys from those days or ridding our bicycles to the clubhouse and basketball courts in Country view. I used to roller blade with the boys (bruises and all), attend rap battles, freestyle with the boys (don’t test my mic game, uzolimala), and be that girl chilling at Thabiso’s house equally excited that Nas has dropped a new album and making it my priority to know each track word for word! I was to them, their beloved “Spunggy Wunngy”, (Pronounced Spongey – Wanji), because I was a round chubby ball of persistence in their little man – circle. There was no getting rid of me!
My beloved second dad, was always shaking his head when he would drive past me and my crew of boys, aimlessly chilling at a chosen street corner talking nonsense FOR HOURS, even discussing other girls and how lame chicks are! How I miss those days! He would complain to my mom, “why does Maishi run with so many boys my dear? this girl is rough man!”. My mom would always advise him to let it go, cause she knew, “that’s just how I roll boooyyi”! One of my childhood best friends is a guy, Lelau Ramphisa – he is my heart. He ironically, has a twin sister whom as much as I also loved, ‘Lala’ was my person! That always puzzled my mother. No sexual undertones between us EVER! She even bought extra big peanut butter in the house – just for Lala’s sandwiches! We laugh about it to this day.
Fast forward to my adult life, I have collected over the years a group of really close and beloved male friends I consider dear to me. Now – the complication comes in when one starts dating. And you get that guy who really truly DOES NOT UNDERSTAND – AND – OR – APPROVE your ‘guy nonsense!’ The fact that you are now going to run into Lala at a party or shopping mall and kiss him on the lips and hug him?! – to say it doesn’t sit well is an understatement! For me, because I am also an affectionate person, I hug and kiss and hold hands and genuinely don’t take stock of how that can affect my partner.
To this day, and at my age, I still need to learn the ‘rules of engagement’ when it comes to having guy friends and being in a relationship. Many people are of the view that “there is no such thing as a platonic guy/girl relationship”, I think that’s a fallacy! I have them. I even found a wife for one of my close male friends! I help others get the girls they like by subliminally arranging ‘get togethers’, where both potential love birds are in attendance! I have given my covert operations away here but it’s true! I am that friend to my mates.
The point I am making, is that I can NEVER be with a man who doesn’t understand that part of me. I do think however, that I need to pull back on the affection. I was once reprimanded by a male friends’ woman at the time for putting lotion on said male friends’ ashy feet! She was NOT having it! It’s a tricky slippery slope we have yet to figure out. Women however, are also quick with the double standard! Let’s admit that much. They can have male friends, but their guys, “Maishi is your good friend for what?!!!”. Lol!
We are not feeling that mess! Our guys will also say, “look baby, I trust you, it’s that GUY I don’t trust, because I am not naïve like you, I know how guys are because I am a guy, if he catches you slipping, he is in there”! The irony in that, is that, they are exposing themselves as untrustworthy cadres, with no self-control akere? I believe we are more evolved than that.
I don’t know – I just wrote all of this to basically say I don’t know where people generally sit on this matter, but ME, I believe boys and girls can be friends with no-nigga-nonsense! What say you?
Writer: Maishi Teffo