Getting Older Scares Most of Us

by Marvin

posted in

The notion of running out of time and supposedly having less energy for the things that used to come easy to us. Age comes with pressure. Where are you in your life, what have you achieved, are you married and do you have kids?

Throughout my 20s, I ‘lived’. I had fun, only did work that I enjoyed, made lots of money, blew lots of money, was in love and I was happy. I knew who I was, I loved who I was and I had zero pressure.

I hit 30 and I took on the pressure. I began listening to everyone. I fell for the societal traps about how a man in his 30s shouldn’t be making his money in nightclubs, should be more family orientated, should own this and live here. I pressured myself into becoming what I thought was a more dignified version of myself and I hated it. This affected my income, my relationships, friendships and my mind-set. Things fell apart.

I’m in my mid-30s and I have no pressure. I listen to people telling me about comebacks and rebrands and all I’ve done is become that kid in his 20’s again. The kid who put out strictly hip-hop events that he loved when it wasn’t cool. The kid who backed an artist that people didn’t believe in because he was a fan of the artist. The kid who walked into meetings rocking a ‘Stay Fresh Get Money’ T-shirt and got the suits in the room to buy it for their kids.

I’m in love again, with everything and everyone. I’m showing love again, I’m not afraid to share my work or be vulnerable with people. I also feel sharper as I now know what not to do and what’s not for me.

In my youth I read ‘The Art of War’ with the willingness to go to war. I now read it with the understanding of reaching my desired outcome with the least amount of conflict. I don’t waste energy, but it’s there.

The last few years, my focus has been on niche and quaint events, my take on the culinary and wine industry and it’s been fun. That’s the key, all the corny shit we avoid is actually true. Are you actually doing what you love? If so, are you also putting in the hours to protect what you love and keep yourself happy?

With all the pressures of age and society, people rarely ask each other if they are happy. They might ask how the family is, they’ll usually ask if business is good, but happiness isn’t a commodity that we take stock in when it comes to other people. Age has taught me to really focus on this and that’s why I’m now comfortable writing again.

There will be no format here. I might give my take on the spaces I earn a living in, I might vent about Arsenal and The Cavs or I might even put out some of my poetry. I’m feeling free and I’m enjoying myself… I hope you’ve found your freedom, or with age… freedom finds you.

Showlove is in its 11th year, but I’m feeling like its day one. The goal, is to never lose this feeling again.

All love

Writer: Tebello Tibz Motsoane

  • Nina

    I need to reread ‘The Art of War’ never had I been dribbled by a book.

    ‘I also feel sharper as I now know what not to do and what’s not for me.’ totally agree with this even with people. They go they go,they stay they stay.

    I think pressure is necessary just to check you not sidetracking but not at the expense of comparing yourself to other people. Our journeys are not the same.

    In my 30s I more laid back,patient with people,less judgmental and coming to myself and hell yeah,I blast that hip hop like no one in the car even playing classics like Luniz ‘Just you and me’

  • TheLooz

    I enjoyed this piece so much.

    I genuinely think that there are few things better than self actualisation. Knowing who you are for sure is a gem, a sense of self awareness is pure gold.

    “With all the pressures of age and society, people rarely ask each other if they are happy. They might ask how the family is, they’ll usually ask if business is good, but happiness isn’t a commodity that we take stock in when it comes to other people.”
    I always say I am thankful for the friends I have, each time they ask if I am well they always break it down because they know that my pure joy is in the wellbeing of my children, but they insist that i answer for ME. That being said, it is just as important to be okay to say whe you are not ok or you are unhappy. It’s critical.

  • FortuityLane

    Nice! Nice read.

btt